Fear Fortiscule!

Fortiscule has a new face in Rainbow Six Vegas.

It is the face of your DOOM!

You can't hide from him. And when you see him, you will feel the sting of his bullets!

Fear him! EEEAHHHH!

Xbox returned!

This week I cuddled up with this curvaceous beauty, caressed her pale white skin, and plugged her in ... to play Medal of Honor Airborne.

Our Xbox 360 is back!

It arrived Wednesday, arisen from the three rings of death. It took the minions of Microsoft only about 22 days (Aug. 21 to Sept. 12) from the time I shipped it to the day it returned. Actually, they sent us a replacement unit, so I suspect that as soon as they got mine, they sent out one they had already fixed. They might be fixing my original box right now, to send to somebody else down the line. If that's how it works, I salute them, because it means I got my machine back in plenty of time for Halo 3!

I just picked up Two Worlds at Top Games in Gardendale, so I'm about to try that out, too.

Anyone for some online sword fighting?

Bow before your God of Thunder

While we're discussing superheroes, I must remark on the rumors about casting for a Thor movie. The rumor, repeated by the authoritative imdb.com, is that Kevin McKidd is to play the god of thunder, although Marvel is rumored to prefer wrestler Triple H. I've been a fan of Thor since I was a kid, when I was known to dress up in a red cape and run around in the back yard waving a tack hammer over my head, doing my best little-kid impression of the Odin-son with Mjolnir. Here's my take on the casting issue:

Kevin McKidd would be superb as Thor. I watched the entire HBO series "Rome," in which McKidd played Lucius Vorenus. Anyone who saw that series would have no doubt whatsoever that McKidd is capable of the angst, intensity and ferocity of Thor. Who can forget the terrifying look in his eyes when Vorenus confronted the gangster who boasted that he'd murdered Vorenus' children? Or the murderous frenzy that possessed him in the arena when he fought side-by-side with his friend Titus Pullo? Not to mention the savage swordplay he performed in that scene.

Combine the fierce, brooding character he played in "Rome" with his deep, resonate voice, and his physical appearance, and you practically have Thor incarnate. Look at him in Roman armor. He wears the breastplate and helmet like he stepped out of history. And remember the character he played in another sword epic, "Kingdom of Heaven"? Another perfect fit.



He has the blond hair of a Norseman. His sharp nose and cheekbones makes it seem like he could even have been the model for the classic Marvel depiction of Thor, if that were possible.

On the other hand, Marvel is rumored to prefer Triple H. Now, I'm a fan of Triple H. You can ask my friend, Flying Monkey Joe, and he will confirm that I have long held the belief that Triple H should be in a movie depicting a sword-wielding character. But the character Triple H should play is a barbarian. The ideal role for him would be Kane from the Karl Edward Wagner series of books about the cursed, immortal son of Adam and Eve, the first murderer. That character is a movie gold-mine waiting to be discovered. But if nobody comes through with that, Triple H could be an awesome Conan.

Triple H could project the rough-hewn power and sinew of a barbarian anti-hero. The man is a tank. What wrestling fan can forget the way he continued a match after his quadriceps muscle TORE, even allowing himself to be placed in Chris Jericho's signature leg-wrenching hold despite the injury? Talk about Conan's mighty thews!

And speaking of Chris Jericho, I've long thought he could play a terrific Viking, too. Could he be Thor's sidekick, Baldur? That, too, might be a perfect fit.

So that's my assessment. Can there be any doubt that Kevin McKidd is destined to be Thor? I say thee, Nay! McKidd should go ahead and start growing his hair long.

Now the time is here, for IRON MAN to appear ...

If you haven't seen the new trailer for "Iron Man," go see it. Now. I'll wait ...

Seen it? Have you quit shouting and waving your arms yet?

I got goose bumps. When he breaks through the door, and the old Black Sabbath "Iron Man" guitar riff starts, I had to use the utmost force of will to restrain myself at work to keep from jumping up and hollering "WOOOOOO," like Rick Flair.

Iron Man is one of my favorite superheroes, the other being Thor. Iron Man is a very complex character, and I'm expecting this movie to be fantastic. Finally, a new "event" movie to look forward to!

What do you think of the trailer and the forthcoming "Iron Man" movie?

Halo reflects struggles of the real world

By Fortiscule
Sythbane Squadron charter member

I was playing Halo 2 not long ago, and I noticed some modern day traits of evil in the Covenant. They are like two evil entities that exist in this world: the Nazis, and the terrorists of the middle east.

The three "prophets," which are basically powerful alien preachers, are like the Axis, the Prophet of Truth being a Hitler figure. He uses false promises of glory and salvation in the "Great Journey" to motivate the Covenant to help him activate the rings. The rings, however, are weapons capable of wiping out life in a galactic scale.

The honor-guard elites are fanatically devoted to serving the prophets as the SS troops served Hitler. There is a point in the game when one of the prophets is displeased with an elite, and he says, "You let the humans land on the sacred rings and desecrate it with their filthy footsteps." This is sort of like the Nazi view toward the Jews. The Covenant wants to wipe out the humans as the Nazis wanted to wipe out the Jews.

There is another point in the game where the Prophet of Truth says, "The council planned to have you hung by your entrails and your corpse paraded through the city." This is like what the Romans would do after a victory -- parade their fallen enemy through the city in a chair to disrespect him.

The way the Covenant are like terrorists is like when the Arbiter character is introduced. A Covenant Arbiter is a disgraced Covenant that has failed in some way but is given another chance for "glory" by being sent on a suicide mission. This is like the suicide bombers who are told they will be rewarded for blowing themselves up. Their other trait is their fanatical dedication to killing "infidels," which in this case are humans.

Give us video game action figures

Here's an idea: More action figures based on video games.

Hasbro, are you listening? Buy the license from Electronic Arts to make "Army of Two" (seen at right) and "Call of Duty 4" 12-inch action figures on a G.I. Joe chassis. Use that highly-articulted body design you were using when you quit making the 12-inch Joes a few years ago, except for the stupid hinged hands that wouldn't' hold anything; use the Kung-Fu grip-style hands already.

Enough with the "statue" figurines that have no real articulation. Those aren't action figures! And enough with making action figures all different scales. Make the video game hero series in 1/6 scale like classic G.I. Joes to increase their play value, so kids and collectors could throw them all together into a pitched battle! The little kids who play and the big kids who collect like customization and interchangeable parts, and 1/6 scale is the way to go.

Buy the license from Ubisoft to make "Rainbow Six Vegas" 12-inch action figures the same way. And "America's Army: True Soldier" would be a given. Hasbro could have a whole series of video game heroes, and the series would continually renew itself as new games became popular. Your market is guaranteed, because you wait until the game is successful before you produce a run of toys. Price them reasonably -- say between $10 and $20 -- and they would be wildly successful.

And here's a salute to Hasbro for coming out with copies of their classic old, basic, 12-inch G.I. Joe "Action Team" figures. They're at Wal-Mart, in a little box for $9. There are land, sea and air adventure guys with the fuzzy hair and beards, just like there were when I was a kid. Now bring back some costumes for these guys, and we're in business. After all, is anybody really buying those Sigma 6 figures in earnest? They keep ending up on the clearance aisle. Better to go with a proven winner. I gave one of the retro-12-inch Joes to my nephew yesterday, and he loved it.

And while I'm on a rant, why did you quit making 1/6 scale Star Wars figures? The little Star Wars action figures are great, but who can afford $60 for those 12-inch Sideshow figures? Soon there will be Star Wars: The Force Unleashed on Xbox 360, and then you can add some Star Wars figures to the video game heroes line, too!

They're fixing it

I was delighted to get this e-mail today:

Dear Xbox Customer,

We have received your Xbox console at our Service Center ...

You will receive e-mail notification when your repair has been completed. We appreciate your patience in this matter.

Thank you for your business.

What a relief to know that the minions of Microsoft are on the job!