Annual vacation Xbox crash

One year ago, as my family began our spring break vacation, my son and I were looking forward to a week of relaxation and video gaming. Then, on the first day, I got the Three Rings of Death.

Knowing that our vacation would pass with no Xbox, my beautiful and thoughtful wife surprised us by buying us a new Xbox. We sent the Red Ring box off to be fixed, and when it was returned, I gave it to my brother jRySix for his birthday. Everyone was happy.

Now, one year later, on the first day of this year's spring break, our black Xbox 360 Elite has gone belly-up, too! Is Microsoft determined to sabotage my spring vacation? To say I am outraged is a thunderous understatement.

We turned the 360 off for a while to watch a movie yesterday, and when we turned it back on a few hours later, the red light in the 5 o'clock quadrant was flashing, and we got this error message: E 73. After some Googling, I found that this indicates a hardware problem with the Ethernet port. WTF? I thought the expensive Elite model was supposed to be built like a truck and immune to this nonsense.

I called the support line, and guess what I got? A robot phone tree with a dead-end, and NO option for talking to a human being. It told me to go to xbox.com, and basically kiss off. Thanks Mr. Gates! Congratulations for your recent return to the top of the Forbes list of the richest men in the universe. I guess you saved up a few billion by firing the human beings who answered the phones.

Despite my preference to speak to a person, I ordered the repair box on xbox.com. The registration on my Elite said I had only two more days on the one-year warranty! The red light happened on March 14, I reported it March 15, and it says the warranty expires March 17. Can you believe it? Talk about "planned obsolescence."

So now here we are again, on the horns of a dilemma in our love-hate relationship with the Xbox 360. Do we use some vacation money to buy another one, as a backup? We could network it and use it for system-link games after the Elite is repaired. Or, my son and I can play at the same time online, if my recently-upgraded Charter cable connection has enough bandwidth.

As much as it irks me, there are advantages to having an extra machine, so I'm leaning toward that option. My son and I are already going crazy without our Xbox Live, and we're only two days into our vacation. Nevertheless, it blows my mind that the top-of-the-line Xbox crapped out at the START of vacation after 1 year, only three days short of running out the 1-year warranty.


I know some of my online friends have gone through several machines. Does anyone have a repair story to commiserate with me and help ease my anguish?

My own 50 Cents worth

My review of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand is up on Techcetera.

It's a really fun shooter and the dialogue is hilarious, if you think a longshoreman who stubbed his toe has a funny way of expressing himself.

I personally find expressive longshoremen a hoot. My friend Shawn used to provide dialogue like this when we played Pictionary, so it's nothing new to me. Some folks might be offended, but if you've played any shooter online, you've probably heard worse -- or just as bad.

I did have some concerns about lyrics in the soundtrack, which are noted in the review.

In the trenches with Halo Wars

Halo Wars is fun, and the cutscenes will blow your mind. Read my full review posted today on Techcetera!

Keeping Killzone 2 under control

By Fartknocckker
Sythbane Squadron contributor

The wait is over and all of the hype has come to a head. Yes, Killzone 2 has arrived. It has won rave reviews and high scores from many web sites and magazines. There is no doubt this is a top notch first-person shooter.

Having said that, I must point out that Killzone 2 seemed particularly frustrating at first. Don't get me wrong. Killzone 2 is a fabulous game. But I have a feeling a lot of other people have experienced the same problem.

Control. The feel of a game is key to enjoyment. All first-person shooters are controlled by touch, by how fast and how far the player has to move the sticks to place the cross hairs on a target.

Killzone 2 has a very slight delay after stick movement. Because what you are seeing onscreen does not respond immediately, you tend to move the stick too far. On medium or higher sensitivity settings, you overshoot your target.

This delay adds a sense of weight to weapons, but it can be extremely frustrating in trying to make accurate shots quickly, especially when surrounded by enemies from all directions.

All my fellow gamers who have played Call of Duty or Halo and experienced the quick, very responsive controls know what I mean.


This is a small hiccup in an otherwise outstanding game. With the saturation of first-person shooters in the market, developers should devote a lot of consideration in development of their game engines to this very important element of game play.

It's come to light that Killzone 2 developer Guerrilla Games is looking into the possibility of changing the game's controls in response to player complaints about their sluggishness. They are aware of it, and that brings a glitter of hope for everybody having this problem.

I believe this issue is a direct result of the Call of Duty franchise's influence on the shooter genre. Standards have been set, and they are destined to be followed.

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Shooter ace Fartknocckker has worn the uniform. He knows what a killzone is. And, he sets a high standard for his comrades at Sythbane Squadron!

Call of Horror

The party conversation took a turn for the macabre last night. TFH 5 had been talking about the economy, which was scary enough, and then Bama Breeze remembered a news story of the day about a funeral home director who left a body in a hearse over an unpaid bill. This train of thought led Bama to tell us a frightening tale she'd read about a psycho who abducted a woman and kept her in a swamp. When the victim tried to escape, she was eaten by the guy's pet alligator.

After a lull, Bama exclaimed, "I feel like I'm having to DRAG conversation out of you guys tonight!"

Apparently we were too petrified to speak, and our little avatars had gone pale.

It's fine to tell scary stories around the campfire, but now we know that a burning tank in Call of Duty: World at War is a good venue for horror, too.

Motley Crue keeping us in the game

Fortiscule, jRySix and I attended the Motley Crue concert last Sunday in Birmingham, and we greatly enjoyed our collective Primal Scream!

The Crue is still going strong. They're from my generation, and seeing them so full of energy keeps me rockin', too. A song called "Go Down Swinging" on their autobiographical Saints of Los Angeles album makes it clear that they're not ready to yield the stage yet. Me, neither, guys. Keep crankin' it.

In addition to kick-starting your heart with rock 'n' roll, guitarist Mick Mars is inspiring to see. He has suffered and struggled with a rare bone disease that limits his movements, yet there he is in the spotlight, shredding on his Strat. He's shouting at the devil with an amp turned up to 11. The photo above is Mars playing a solo. It was grand.

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Drum Roll

Speaking of rockers, last night jRySix and I joined Daddy Rocks LV for a few lively rounds of Call of Duty: World at War. We shot the shinola about music while we were shooting tanks, although those heavy metal monsters dealt us some misery. Daddy Rocks seems to have a different schedule than most of my other late-night gaming friends, but I hope he'll be able to circulate more among the gaming cadres of Sythbane Squadron. You would all enjoy his company.

Sythbane Squadron boasts several musicians: Daddy Rocks drums, jRySix and Fortiscule play guitar, Crownshend plays saxophone and piano, and I play banjo. Do we have more musicians among us?

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I had the finest of intentions to step up my blogging when I posted that Red Sonja item, but then I got sick. I'm feeling much better, so I hereby renew my resolve. This time, definitely!

Red Sonja to offer stimulus plan

Rose McGowan will star as Red Sonja in a new movie to be released this year or next.

Scholars such as myself who specialize in the study of Barbarian Warrior Women are abuzz with this news. As some of you know, I am the chairman of The Institute for Cultural, Anthropological and Aesthetic Studies of Barbarian Warrior Women, and as such I have boundless enthusiasm for this important genre of art, literature, cinema and collectible action figures. We at the Institute are hoping that President Obama will give us a generous research grant as part of his economic stimulous package to really get the foundation off the ground.

Rose McGowan is a gorgeous actress who had an unfortunate association with Marilyn Manson that falls in the "What was she thinking?!" file, and we must not speak of it again. She is turning over a new cheek by donning a chainmail bikini. And really, what kind of world would it be if a lady can't get a fresh start by wearing a shiny new chainmail bikini? Bless her heart.

Thanks to the miracle of Netflix, I recently saw Rose's performance in Grindhouse, where her leg was eaten by zombies and she used an M-16 for a prosthesis. She demonstrated amazing flexibility and dexterity in this nuanced and layered performance, which doubtless will serve her well in swordplay scenes.

In Grindhouse, Rose was inexplicably coy and demure, an incongruous bit of modesty in a movie bursting with nauseating, over-the-top gore and grossness. The filmmakers obviously wanted to maintain some semblance of decency; after all the oozing, bulbous pustules and beheadings, the sight of Rose in immodest repose would have been offensive.

But compare Rose's shyness in Grindhouse to her scant trappings at an awards show where she was photographed on the red carpet with Marilyn Manson. (Dang it! Didn't I say not to speak of that again?) She wore a chainmail dress with lots of missing links in the caboose. This ample, public display of her healthy complexion gives me hope that Rose is at least willing to portray Sonja as equally daring in her fashion choices, and whoops, maybe she forgets her chainmail bikini in a scene where a sabertooth tiger surprises her. It could happen. This common scenario too often ended in tragedy, as archaeologists will tell you, but it would end differently for Sonja. A lack of metal lingerie wouldn't deter Red Sonja from winning a sabertooth catfight, that's for sure and certain.



Because, really, do you really think any self-respecting Barbarian Warrior Woman like Red Sonja would be consumed with notions of Victorian modesty? I think not. She has better things to do, like sharpening her sword and smiting her enemies.

This wardrobe issue is really a matter of historical credibility in cinema. Take, for example, the caveman movie genre: In the 1966 film One Million Years B.C., you knew right away when you saw Raquel Welch as Loana wearing an intricately crafted deerskin brassiere that she wasn't really a cavewoman, right?

But in Quest for Fire, cave people weren't concerned with modesty in the least. Rae Dawn Chong wore only dried mud, and that was for camouflage, not modesty. Which film was more believable? I, for one, prefer realism to suspend my disbelief while I am engrossed in a historical Barbarian Warrior Woman epic. Authenticity. Credibility. These are vital to the integrity of the genre.

Although the character of Red Sonja was created by Conan creator Robert E. Howard, her good name was tainted by an unfortunate 1985 film starring Brigitte Nielsen. The dreadful failure of that movie demonstrates the folly of trying to make a "kid-safe" Barbarian Warrior Woman film, sans nudity, sexuality or realistic violence. Barbarian Warrior Woman films properly should be rated R, with rampant gratuitous nudity and sexuality, intense action and dazzling swordplay. A decent story would be a crowning touch. I hope the new Red Sonja will be captured in the magnificent style of 300.



We at the Institute will be eagerly awaiting this film, which is sure to enrich and ennoble the venerable Barbarian Warrior Woman genre. It will certainly stimulate the economy, too.